Friday, 8 August 2014

Worst Videogames Enemies - 01 : Spawn (Quake)


'Player' was slimed by a Spawn

Some videogame enemies can make or break a game. Whether it be an impossibly difficult boss, or an adversary with an incredibly irritating movement or attack pattern. Some just annoy you simply by being poorly designed or out of place in the game world. The Spawn from id Software's sublime Quake is one of the worst offenders, being guilty of nearly all of the aforementioned criticisms. Now let's get one thing straight. I love Quake. Adore it! It is one of my all-time favourite videogames, and one I still play regularly some 18 years after its original release. But one thing has always irked me about this game. Something that makes me groan every time I encounter it, and puts a blemish on an otherwise perfect gaming experience. The Spawn.


A rare occasion where you can actually see this springy pain in the ass


This piece of shit - quite literally, as he looks like a piece of shit - is one of the most irritating monsters I have ever faced. For a start he looks like a lump of blue goo, making him immediately stand out against the other excellent monstrosities such as the grenade-hurling Ogre, super fast and super deadly Fiend, or the hideous, lightning-bolt firing Shambler. Secondly his attack pattern simply consists of flinging himself at you at high speed before exploding. His movements are incredibly erratic making him incredibly hard to shoot, and due to the deadly explosion he causes upon his death, blasting him at close range can often prove fatal.

Ugly as well as annoying!


Yep, he is one utter son-of-a-bitch, and I hate him with all my heart. The strange groan he omits when he spots you never fails to make my soul wither slightly as I prepare myself for another round of messy, unpleasant combat. A battle which usually consists of desperately trying to shoot the rubbery piece of shit pinging around the room, occasionally hitting you and causing large amounts of damage before exploding close by. To make matters worse he is usually always located in dark areas, making the experience even more soul destroying.

Die you bastard!


I'm not quite sure what id Software were thinking when they put the Spawn in Quake, as he is absolutely no fun to battle against and doesn't even feel very satisfying to destroy. The other enemies are all well designed and have decent methods of attacking you - the highlight being the Ogre who gets out his chainsaw at close range - making the Spawn stand out like a sore thumb. Things get even worse in Quake's second mission pack Dissolution of Eternity, as the new Hell-Spawn variation (the same fucking thing, only this time green) can now constantly duplicate itself until destroyed. The horror, the horror!

So, the Spawn, a truly horrible videogame baddie, and the only blip on an otherwise flawless game. To you sir, I say a gigantic Fuck You!


Bastard's name : Spawn
Game : Quake
Developer : id Software
Year : 1996
System : PC
Ports : Saturn, N64, Mac
Annoyance factor : 10 / 10